Here are the fantasy responses to recent conversations.
Aamirah: I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK!
Me: Then get a job and go buy some.
Aamirah (pushing the grocery cart at the store): I'm driving!
Woman (visibly annoyed): I see that.
Me: You don't know how fortunate you are to even gaze upon my perfect little angel, Jerkface. Now get out of her way.
Neighbor Girl (for the third time in one day): Can Aamirah come out and play?
Me: Good lord, kid. You are so lonely and you need attention. Your parents fucking suck.
Aamirah, Lexi or Zachery: Yo Gabba Gabba, Yo Gabba Gabba, Yo Gabba Gabba, please!
Me: I think I'm going to hunt down the director of this show and punch him in the face.